Hinge Expert’s Tips on Navigating Financial Transparency in Dating

Money can be one of the trickiest topics in dating. Between questions like “Who should pay on the first date?” and “How do I show effort without overspending?” daters can be unsure on how to bring it up and navigate finances in dating. 

Hinge’s Love and Connection Expert, licensed therapist Moe Ari Brown (he/they), reminds us that the hardest part about having the “money conversation” with a new person you’re dating is often the shame, fear, or pressure that can come with talking about it. 

Below, Moe Ari is answering common questions daters have about navigating finances while dating.

Q: What should I do if someone suggests an expensive date that’s outside my budget?
Moe: If someone suggests something such as a swanky cocktail bar and it’s not in your current price range, you don’t have to default to “Do you want to grab coffee instead?”, especially if the energy they suggest is nighttime, dressed-up, and curated. That mismatch can feel like you're not showing up with the same energy, and leave the other person feeling like you’re less invested. But there’s a better way to redirect without downgrading. Try matching their vibe while being budget-conscious.

Once you’re further along in dating, low-cost can still mean luxe. Think a beautifully set dinner at home with candles and a curated playlist, or a picnic with curated bites and your shared favorite dessert. Those dates are often more meaningful than a five-star reservation because they show effort and intention, not just expense.

Q: How can I plan a date that’s cost-conscious without it feeling low-effort or low-budget?
Moe: Try a Low-Pressure Date! A Low-Pressure Date, or “LPD” as we call it at Hinge, allows for a safer and more laid-back environment where daters can gauge potential chemistry IRL before exploring things further. These intentional, casual experiences let you show up as your full self without the added stress of high-stakes settings or big spending. 

Examples of LPDs:

• A walk through your favorite neighborhood
• Visiting a local market or art exhibit
• Sharing a playlist and people-watching at a park
• Browsing a bookstore, grabbing smoothies after

LPDs are the dates that help you actually feel, not just perform. They allow for more ease, presence, and chemistry-building without all the noise of a busy bar tab or an overly formal dinner.The person you're dating doesn’t necessarily want something expensive; they want to feel prioritized and know you’re being intentional. That doesn’t require a big budget, but it does require clarity and creativity.

Q: What should I do if I’m newly dating someone and my finances take an unexpected hit?
Moe: 

• Be upfront early. That doesn’t mean launching into a formal conversation on date one.​​ Be honest about what you are experiencing and give a sense of the effort or plan you’re putting in to get back on track. If you want to continue dating this person, invite them into a collaborative effort to make dating work during this temporary shift in circumstances.
• Have the conversation before you see each other again. Sharing honestly before your next date helps preserve the good energy from your previous hangouts and builds trust. That way, you can also plan the date to support both of your budgets.
• Frame the conversation as collaboration. Say something like, “I’d still love to see you and plan high-quality dates. I really like you and want to see how our story unfolds. I’d love it if we can find creative ways to spend time together while I’m being mindful of my budget.”
• Avoid assuming it will end in rejection. Treat the conversation as a chance to deepen trust rather than as a reason they might pull away. You’d be surprised how often one person’s vulnerability around finances makes the other person open up about budget constraints they’d otherwise be too nervous to share. 

Q: What should I do if I’m early in dating someone and their financial situation suddenly changes?
Moe: 

• Lead with compassion. Acknowledge their honesty and reassure them that their value to you is not tied to money. 
• Explore whether you’re still aligned with this shift. Depending on your own financial circumstances, dating intentions, and desires, you may decide you don’t want to keep dating them. That doesn’t make you a bad person. What’s important here is to communicate that misalignment to them with care. 
• If you’re open to continuing dating, collaborate on options. Invite them to co-create experiences with you: “What would feel fun and doable for us right now?”
• Avoid assumptions. Don’t assume they cannot contribute in meaningful ways. Let them decide what they are able to offer.

Q: How can I tell if someone and I are financially aligned?
Moe: Financial alignment isn’t about having the same income. It’s about having compatible lifestyles, expectations, and ways of spending time together. One way to figure this out is by paying attention to how each of you naturally moves through daily life.

However, avoid making assumptions about someone’s finances and expectations based on what you observe from their social media and in person. For instance, someone could post pictures of expensive trips or dinners, but they don’t necessarily expect a partner to pay for those things. 

The best way to determine if you’re financially aligned is to have ongoing conversations as you get to know each other. You can start by discussing what type of experiences you prefer and how you typically approach paying for dates. Are you both excited about simple, low-key dates? Do you prefer going out often, or are you more home-oriented? These small moments reveal how you value time, comfort, fun, and money.

If there is misalignment regarding finances, don’t lose hope! Everyone has a unique financial story shaped by their family background. If you find yourself on different pages, take the time to discuss your perspectives and explore ways to align your views.

Q: What should I do if I want to tell a potential partner we’re not aligned financially?
Moe: 

• Clarify for yourself first. Be sure the issue is about long-term alignment, not short-term discomfort.
• Lead with appreciation. Acknowledge what you’ve valued in them and the connection you’ve shared, so the breakup doesn’t feel like a dismissal of their whole self.
• Be direct but compassionate. Say something like, “I’ve realized that our financial goals and values feel very different, and I don’t think I can see a shared future. I care about you, which is why I want to be honest.” This offers them clarity and care.
• Frame it as a mismatch rather than a flaw. Focus on your differences instead of labeling their approach as wrong. 
• Hold space for their response. Let them ask questions or express feelings without getting defensive. Listening well can soften the ending.

Q: What should I do if a potential partner lets me know we’re not aligned financially?
Moe: 

• Feel all the feels. Give yourself permission to feel hurt or disappointed. Rejection stings, but those feelings are valid and part of healing.
• Separate your worth from your circumstances. A financial mismatch is not a statement on your value as a person. Remind yourself that many relationships end due to differences in timing, goals, or circumstances. This is one of those differences, not proof you are “less than.”
• Reflect on alignment. Ask yourself honestly what you want financially in partnership, and use this experience to clarify your own needs.
• Date forward. Remember that rejection creates space for someone more aligned with your values and resources. This experience can serve as a redirection, not an end.

Q: Should I take a break from dating due to my finances?
Moe: If dating consistently leaves you financially depleted or emotionally anxious about money, it can be wise to pause. That break does not have to mean putting connection on hold entirely. Use that time to revisit your budget and create a more sustainable plan around dating expenses. When you feel clear on what your budget is, you’ll feel more confident about navigating the dating space without adding financial burden.“

The Bottom Line
Moe advises, “Just like discussing values, intimacy, or future goals, I invite daters to see financial conversations as opportunities to build connection, establish trust, and emotional safety. These conversations can help you discover whether you both value experiences over things, how you approach planning dates, or what security looks like for each of you.

Remember: the goal is not perfection or perfect alignment, but honesty. When you bring curiosity and care into financial conversations, you strengthen the foundation of emotional intimacy.”